Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Actions speak louder than words is what I keep telling myself.  I’m just so in love with him that I’m starting to get my hopes up too soon.  He has such a way with words, but I can’t fall for that.  I have to pay attention to make sure his words are followed by his actions, which they’re not.  I don’t want to fall for his games again and I don’t want to regret giving him another chance.  It’s just so hard..

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Fixing Things?

When my ex said he wanted to fix things, I thought he would try a little harder.  I want to feel like I mean something to you.  I don’t feel that special and he doesn’t see that.  When we broke up, that literally broke me and I don’t feel like he’s trying to help pick me back up. I need him to be there for me like I always am for him and he’s not..

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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The First Call From My Ex..

Earlier today, my ex called me.  This was the first time, we’ve talked in three months.  He told me how his life wasn’t the same without me, that he missed me, he even apologized for everything he had done.  He told me that I was beautiful and a great girl that anyone would be lucky to have and basically that he messed up.  It was awkward at first because we haven’t talked in so long.  He was going through a rough time today and said I was the first person he called.  He even dialed my number from his memory! 

I didn’t know what to feel or what to think.  I really needed to hear a lot of what he said.  It was like I finally got some closure because we were able to talk about our break up since we never really got a chance too.  We both even shed a few tears.  When I go home for thanksgiving break, he really wants to see my mom and I to apologize to both of us - her (my mom) because he hurt her daughter, which is really sweet.  He wants to put everything on the table by coming clean about some things to my mom.  Also he wants to change some of his ways.  He said he wants to change for me and himself, but mainly for me.  

Those three months without him in my life were horrible.  I tried to move on but every night I found myself still thinking about him and praying for him.  I prayed that he would call one day just so I could hear his voice and God answered my prayers today.  We talked all day.  

My ex was my best friend for years and tonight he told me that he realized that the quote “You never know what you had, till its gone” is true.  He sounded so sincere.  He even told me that he brought one of the letters I wrote him while we were dating to school just because it said I love you in it.

He really has a way with words.  I’m trying not to rush things because I don’t want to end up in the same situation again.  I want to see him change first and that is going to be a long process.  Plus we ended up on a bad note, so he is going to have to prove A LOT to me.  He also said he wants to marry me in the future and he realizes that he must change first so that can happen.  I really think he wants to fix things.  I’ve missed him so much.  He was my first love and I was his.

He admitted the reason he tried to push me away was because he feared a long distance relationship and that now he sees that he was just being selfish.  

And lastly, he told me he still loved me…I didn’t say it back but not because I didn’t still feel it, it’s just hard after everything that has happened between us and I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing.

I’m so glad he called and that we got to reconnect.  He said he would text me tomorrow because he wants to stay in touch with me now and rebuild our friendship and hopefully later a better relationship than we had before. I’m excited to see what God has in store for me now.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Someone Special..

Isn’t it crazy how one day you can meet someone by chance and over time they turn into someone you can’t live without?   They turn into your other half, into someone you can share all your secrets with, into a person who you never thought would mean so much to you.  Then one day, they just decide to leave… 

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Love

Last year I thought I knew what love was.  I thought I was falling in love.  I’m realizing now that wasn’t love.  Love is something that should be taken seriously.  To me, love is putting my all into the relationship. When I fall in love, I want that person to know everything about me, all my flaws and imperfections, and still accept me. I want to see that person being in my future.  I want that person to be my everything; my other half.  I want to make them the happiest person alive and I want them to do the same for me.  I want them to stick around when things get rough. I want them to put in the same amount of effort as I’m putting in, especially when things may not be going so well. I want to be sure that at the end of day you still love me for who am I am, not who you want me to be. To me, that’s love…real love.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Right now…

I just want to:
Kiss you,
Be held by you,
Hold your hand,
Watch a movie,
Hear your voice.

Honestly, I just want to be with you..

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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I love him.

My boyfriend and I have been best friends for years and now we’re dating. We haven’t been dating for long time but I really do love him.  He has already told me that he loves me, but I never say it back because I want to say it for the first time in person rather than on the phone, webcam or in a text.  Maybe I will tell him next time I go home..I’m kind of scared. I’ve never said “I love you” to anyone before.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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More than My Bestfriend.

Tonight my best friend told me he’s falling me.  I’m falling for him too. He’s been my best friend for some years now and over those years, we both had feelings for each other.  I’m so excited to see what our future holds. He puts the biggest smile on my face and treats me like a princess..He makes me express myself like nobody else has.  Usually I’m keep my feelings to myself but he makes it so easy to express myself.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Scared..

Ahhh, I really like him. I’m really trying not to get my hopes up or put all my eggs in one basket.  For some reason, I just feel like I’m gonna be hurt in the end.  Like I’m so scared of jeopardizing our friendship. I don’t know what I would do without him being in my life or more importantly, I don’t know how he would be without me. I’ve helped him through so much so I can only see that helping if we did pursue to be in the relationship.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Falling for my bestfriend. Pt 2

So recently I posted a letter to my bestfriend on here that I wasn’t going to send. Well I decided to send it. I’ve been hiding my feelings for him for so long that he thought he never had a chance. But I finally told him and I don’t regret it at all!! He has made this the best week ever. :)

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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