Insecure

My insecurities are building up…

What if I’m so scared to lose you again that I cling to you so much harder and end up pushing you away?  What if you discover all my flaws and don’t want to be with me?  What if the long distance causes us to drift apart?  What if giving my all isn’t enough…what if I’m not enough?

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Love

Last year I thought I knew what love was.  I thought I was falling in love.  I’m realizing now that wasn’t love.  Love is something that should be taken seriously.  To me, love is putting my all into the relationship. When I fall in love, I want that person to know everything about me, all my flaws and imperfections, and still accept me. I want to see that person being in my future.  I want that person to be my everything; my other half.  I want to make them the happiest person alive and I want them to do the same for me.  I want them to stick around when things get rough. I want them to put in the same amount of effort as I’m putting in, especially when things may not be going so well. I want to be sure that at the end of day you still love me for who am I am, not who you want me to be. To me, that’s love…real love.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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My Bestfriend; My other half?

When you love someone, they should bring out the best in you. Why don’t I feel like I do that for you?  You say you love me but you have so many bad habits.  You aren’t willing to give up any of those things or make sacrifices for me.  How do I know you really love me?

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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More than My Bestfriend.

Tonight my best friend told me he’s falling me.  I’m falling for him too. He’s been my best friend for some years now and over those years, we both had feelings for each other.  I’m so excited to see what our future holds. He puts the biggest smile on my face and treats me like a princess..He makes me express myself like nobody else has.  Usually I’m keep my feelings to myself but he makes it so easy to express myself.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Scared..

Ahhh, I really like him. I’m really trying not to get my hopes up or put all my eggs in one basket.  For some reason, I just feel like I’m gonna be hurt in the end.  Like I’m so scared of jeopardizing our friendship. I don’t know what I would do without him being in my life or more importantly, I don’t know how he would be without me. I’ve helped him through so much so I can only see that helping if we did pursue to be in the relationship.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Forever Alone?

I haven’t dated much.  Am I too picky? I feel like something is wrong with me because I’m never good enough for anyone; they always leave. Two events that are important in a girl’s life are prom & marriage.  I feel like marriage is just out of the question for me.  I mean I’m only in college so I’m definitely not in a rush, but I just want someone to be with. I’m content with being single but I feel like I’m going to be single forever.  

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Reality Hit Me…HARD

There was this guy that I had been talking to for almost a year and I really fell for him.  I love that boy! Unfortunately, we stopped talking in Sept. but I still have feelings for him.  I figured he would come around eventually…I was wrong.  I just found out he likes another girl and it tears me to pieces.  I’m so heart broken.  I really thought we connected…he even said, “I love you” once on accident, but I kind of ignored it because it was a bit too early for me.  Over time, the words “I love you” gained meaning to them but I was too scared to say them since we weren’t dating.  Although we weren’t dating, I still believe I fell in love with him.  I was so scared to admit it because I had never fallen in love before.  Now my worse nightmare has come true.  I have to watch him possibly fall in love with someone else.  I have to see someone take the place of where I should have been.  Distance and communication issues were our downfall.  I couldn’t change the distance between us, but I did my best to work on the communication issues.  He just wasn’t putting in the effort.  A few times, I felt like giving up on him but that was impossible.  I never wanted to give up on him.  I just wanted him to meet me halfway.  During the summer 2012, we were both home for break and I couldn’t wait to see him!  He got a job and started working overtime and late hours.  I wanted to see him but due to his hectic work schedule, I knew he was tired and stressed.  He had days off and never once did he try to see me.  It hurt my feelings to know that I had waited all this time to see him and now that we were in the SAME city, he didn’t try to visit me.  Maybe that’s when he started talking to the girl he is talking now.  Maybe he was trying to let me go easily.  After going the entire summer without seeing him, I returned back to school.  I still had strong feelings for him.  Over time, his texts became less frequent and he changed.  I refuse to end a relationship without a reason or talking it out so we had a talk on Sept. 12, 2012 about how things were between us.  He claimed he didn’t want the distance to affect me…however I was the one trying to make things work despite the distance.  I didn’t mind the distance because my feelings allowed me to overlook that.  He said he never wanted to lose me completely but since that day he hasn’t spoken to me.  I’ve texted him once since then and the conversation did not last long.  After that, I just figured I would leave him alone.  We remained friends on all the social network sites but after finding out he has moved on, I deleted him from all of the social network sites.  I don’t even think he has noticed…but this is how things have to be.  I can’t be friends with someone I care that much about.  

Dec. 26, 2012

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Love?

When did you realize you were in love with someone for the first time?

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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Unequal Love

Every night I think about how much I miss you and you’re probably not even thinking about me. It’s not fair..


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Time To Call It Quits

If you like me as much as you say you do, why aren’t you putting as much effort into the relationship as I am?  I understand a long distance relationship is hard, but it would be a whole lot easier if the effort was mutual.  I refuse to chase you! Officially done.

(Source: lovelyyyash)


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